James Tetley

You wait all year for this day to come, where you get together with your best friends and family, to sit around a tree filled with presents, proceed to open them to find socks and spare pants, proceed to eat enough food to kill a baby giraffe, drink enough alcohol to tranquillise a horse, spend the day in and out of conciseness, while listening to music related to Christmas that completely jars the brain, or TV presenters that are so happy you question weather they’re sane or on drugs preferably crack. You also spend most the day farting and complaining about stomach aches, why do we do this to our selfs, cos its awesome that why!

Check the borbals on my Christmas Tree its strait of Compton, well Croydon.

Check dem’s shines on dem’s borbal goodness. Its a pretty sick tree right, tbh all the presents under it are just spare pants and socks that are very well wrapped I love it.

Does your family have a strange order to open presents well mine does, everyone must be up before 11am, everyone must have a drink of some sorts, then we all go into the the CHRISTMAS ROOM!, we all sit around the Tree, and elect a Santa. That santa this year was me, I have to then sort through the presents and hand them out to each person (gerrrr just give me my pants and socks now!). After this we all destroy the wrapping paper to find the awesome pants within!

After the Pressent carnage you move onto the Christmas dinner, this year my Mum made a Nut Roast as I dont eat Meat, this was awesome and possibly the best thing i’ve eaten for a long time. Before the food I was rummaging around in my dads cupboard (its not an anagram for something) and found this awesome cup, it actualy made me feel like Jesus for the day.

I well could have parted some waves, turned cheese into wine, and made fish into straw huts, I think thats what Jeeesooose did back in the day.

FOXS

If you ever been to my house you would know that theres a family of foxes living in my garden, man they get fed better then my family, possibly better then the entire population of Croydon, people in Croydon dont send cards for Christmas instead they calve your name into a brick then insert it into your face then shout Merry Christmas while driving away in a Corsa with a body kit on it. Anyway check out this bad ass fox he is the shit!

On a happy note, my parents have this stuffed chicken thing in the kitchen they absolutely love it, I find it hilarious to hide in stupid places so they freak out looking for it as well as abuse it, not sexually, last year I hid it on top of a lamp shade and they didn’t find it till February. this time I replaced its nose with a spoon.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!